A community of sharing for Moms and Moms-to-be
Yamas and Niyamas for Mamas Part One
The following is a quote taken from YogaSpirit advertising an upcoming talk that Donna Farhi is giving on the topic of the four Bramavihara, in this discussion I am exploring specific value that this awareness has for Moms and I invite your input on the topic.
"“The mind becomes clear and serene when the dualities of the heart are cultivated: friendliness towards the joyful, compassion towards their suffering, happiness towards the pure, and impartiality towards the impure.” Yoga Sutra I:33 (translated by Alistair Shearer)
Long before Patanjali introduces the ethical precepts of Yamas and Niyamas, he offered four down-to-earth suggestions for developing a peaceful relationship with others. These four attitudes or qualities of the heart (bramavihara) can be applied to all our relationships and in all situations. Together we will explore tangible ways of applying these qualities of heart in the oftentimes difficult medium of everyday life."
See Donna's book, Bringing Yoga to Life for more specific and literal translations, and wonderfull insight about this practice.
I came away from reading her writing about the four Bramavihara with the insight to look at ways in which I am or am not befriending myself primarily and then looking at my relationships with others, as this is often a mirror of what is going on internally.
To me, this inqiry leads to, and is re-integrated with practicing the first Yama, Ahimsa (compassion or non-violence). In the next blog, we'll explore Ahimsa as the first topic of "Yamas and Niyamas for Mamas"
When considering the four bramavihara and also Ahimsa, I realise the specific ways that in my life as a mom, it is valuable to first bring awareness to the attitude I have towards myself.
In my view, this is a gift for mothers in particular because of the "Mothers guilt" that can become easy to fall into as a mom.
I have found that it can be easy for me to find myself at times feeling bad or guilty for things I could have done or can do better as a mom, and from talking with friends and other moms I know I am not alone in this.
The responsibility and Love that we feel for our babies and children is so great, it is understandable that we might feel badly if we are not able to give all that we would hope or want to give.
This can be especially true if there is a traumatic, unexpected or unpeasant birth experience, or if our baby or child is hurt or has a learning or behavioral difference.
These can be prime opportunities for practicing Yoga in our thoughts and attitude toward ourselves.
Befriending myself and aknowleging my best efforts as a mom is the first step to thinking and offering that acceptance to my children and partner.
We all know that we can be our own worst critic, and given all that is involved in raising children, there are plenty of opportunities for critisism. Fortunatley, each of those opportunities be an opportunity to whittle away at the sense of seperation between self and other, a primary awareness in Yoga.
What a gift this rich, ancient wisdom is for our everyday life! I love discovering the fruits of this practice specifically for Moms.
What is your experience?
Does anyone find that this could be a beneficial pracice for everyday health and happiness in everyday Mommie-life?
Once I increased my awareness of this Inquiry in my life, I revealed more ugliness twards myself that at first I realised. Shedding the light of awareness on these thoughts and ways of being has led me to the everyday in-the-moment practice of offering friendliness to myself in the face of the everyday challenges and trying times of family life. As I continue to explore friendliness to myself, befriending myself in the context of Motherhood, I realise that it does not mean ignoring what needs to be addressed or changed in my actions, for a valued friend would help me to see in a loving and accepting way what might be difficult for me to see in myself. So I am not meaning practicing friendliness in the context of glossing over or excusing my self from the difficulties of growth and self awareness, but rather the practice of "Radical Self Acceptance" (one of the first and most valued teachings I learned from Donna that has touched me deeply) which allows for all that is within me on every level, and from there addressing skillfully what is required for growth and greater ease and stability in life.
I have found that raising my children is often raising myself (maybey because I became a mom at 19) and that thier young faces can reflect to me myself in a way I would not have otherwise seen. That is certainly an opportunity for friendliness, to care for myself with the attentiveness I would care for this little person I love so much. One more tangible example to me of removal of seperation between myself and my child.
The everyday yoga practice.
Or what about the familiar experience (tell me this is not just me please) of having lots to do, between career, self care, home care, childcare, dog care, car care etc. etc.
when it is night and the kids are asleep, do I push myself to get everything done, or give myself a hard time for not having it all done? What would my dearest friend say to me? What would I say to my dearest friend in this situation?
Please share in this discussion any way that you find this practice of the four Bramavihara is nurturing to you life as a mom.
I have touched only on one of the four Bramavahara, practicing Friendliness toward ones-self, perhaps we could also explore" friendliness towards the joyful, compassion towards their suffering, happiness towards the pure, and impartiality towards the impure"- what significance does this have in day to day mommy life, and how does it help? Does exploring this practice bring clarity and serenity to the mind, and make a positive impact on our children? What about practicing friendliness toward our children when they are joyfull, compassion for our crying babies suffering, happiness toward those we look up to as Moms, and impartiality toward our children or others that we are having difficulty with when they are acting in ways we feel strong dislike about.
I can think of several of you that I am inviting to share in this discussion that I look up to as moms and spiritually grounded women. I benefit from knowing you and being around you.
How do you think that depening your inquiry of the four Bamavihara contributes the the community of Moms in your life?
What does it mean to you to be a friend, and how is it that you could befriend yourself on another level in your everyday Mommy life?
Is there anyone in your life that you find it difficult to befriend, and how do you think having a more neutral or compassionate attitude toward them would effect your everyday life?
What are some of the specific areas in your life as a mom that present opportunity to put this particular Yoga Sutra to practice?
I look forward to your input.
May this inquiry bless your life, and your families well being.
Sincereley,
Summer
"“The mind becomes clear and serene when the dualities of the heart are cultivated: friendliness towards the joyful, compassion towards their suffering, happiness towards the pure, and impartiality towards the impure.” Yoga Sutra I:33 (translated by Alistair Shearer)
Long before Patanjali introduces the ethical precepts of Yamas and Niyamas, he offered four down-to-earth suggestions for developing a peaceful relationship with others. These four attitudes or qualities of the heart (bramavihara) can be applied to all our relationships and in all situations. Together we will explore tangible ways of applying these qualities of heart in the oftentimes difficult medium of everyday life."
See Donna's book, Bringing Yoga to Life for more specific and literal translations, and wonderfull insight about this practice.
I came away from reading her writing about the four Bramavihara with the insight to look at ways in which I am or am not befriending myself primarily and then looking at my relationships with others, as this is often a mirror of what is going on internally.
To me, this inqiry leads to, and is re-integrated with practicing the first Yama, Ahimsa (compassion or non-violence). In the next blog, we'll explore Ahimsa as the first topic of "Yamas and Niyamas for Mamas"
When considering the four bramavihara and also Ahimsa, I realise the specific ways that in my life as a mom, it is valuable to first bring awareness to the attitude I have towards myself.
In my view, this is a gift for mothers in particular because of the "Mothers guilt" that can become easy to fall into as a mom.
I have found that it can be easy for me to find myself at times feeling bad or guilty for things I could have done or can do better as a mom, and from talking with friends and other moms I know I am not alone in this.
The responsibility and Love that we feel for our babies and children is so great, it is understandable that we might feel badly if we are not able to give all that we would hope or want to give.
This can be especially true if there is a traumatic, unexpected or unpeasant birth experience, or if our baby or child is hurt or has a learning or behavioral difference.
These can be prime opportunities for practicing Yoga in our thoughts and attitude toward ourselves.
Befriending myself and aknowleging my best efforts as a mom is the first step to thinking and offering that acceptance to my children and partner.
We all know that we can be our own worst critic, and given all that is involved in raising children, there are plenty of opportunities for critisism. Fortunatley, each of those opportunities be an opportunity to whittle away at the sense of seperation between self and other, a primary awareness in Yoga.
What a gift this rich, ancient wisdom is for our everyday life! I love discovering the fruits of this practice specifically for Moms.
What is your experience?
Does anyone find that this could be a beneficial pracice for everyday health and happiness in everyday Mommie-life?
Once I increased my awareness of this Inquiry in my life, I revealed more ugliness twards myself that at first I realised. Shedding the light of awareness on these thoughts and ways of being has led me to the everyday in-the-moment practice of offering friendliness to myself in the face of the everyday challenges and trying times of family life. As I continue to explore friendliness to myself, befriending myself in the context of Motherhood, I realise that it does not mean ignoring what needs to be addressed or changed in my actions, for a valued friend would help me to see in a loving and accepting way what might be difficult for me to see in myself. So I am not meaning practicing friendliness in the context of glossing over or excusing my self from the difficulties of growth and self awareness, but rather the practice of "Radical Self Acceptance" (one of the first and most valued teachings I learned from Donna that has touched me deeply) which allows for all that is within me on every level, and from there addressing skillfully what is required for growth and greater ease and stability in life.
I have found that raising my children is often raising myself (maybey because I became a mom at 19) and that thier young faces can reflect to me myself in a way I would not have otherwise seen. That is certainly an opportunity for friendliness, to care for myself with the attentiveness I would care for this little person I love so much. One more tangible example to me of removal of seperation between myself and my child.
The everyday yoga practice.
Or what about the familiar experience (tell me this is not just me please) of having lots to do, between career, self care, home care, childcare, dog care, car care etc. etc.
when it is night and the kids are asleep, do I push myself to get everything done, or give myself a hard time for not having it all done? What would my dearest friend say to me? What would I say to my dearest friend in this situation?
Please share in this discussion any way that you find this practice of the four Bramavihara is nurturing to you life as a mom.
I have touched only on one of the four Bramavahara, practicing Friendliness toward ones-self, perhaps we could also explore" friendliness towards the joyful, compassion towards their suffering, happiness towards the pure, and impartiality towards the impure"- what significance does this have in day to day mommy life, and how does it help? Does exploring this practice bring clarity and serenity to the mind, and make a positive impact on our children? What about practicing friendliness toward our children when they are joyfull, compassion for our crying babies suffering, happiness toward those we look up to as Moms, and impartiality toward our children or others that we are having difficulty with when they are acting in ways we feel strong dislike about.
I can think of several of you that I am inviting to share in this discussion that I look up to as moms and spiritually grounded women. I benefit from knowing you and being around you.
How do you think that depening your inquiry of the four Bamavihara contributes the the community of Moms in your life?
What does it mean to you to be a friend, and how is it that you could befriend yourself on another level in your everyday Mommy life?
Is there anyone in your life that you find it difficult to befriend, and how do you think having a more neutral or compassionate attitude toward them would effect your everyday life?
What are some of the specific areas in your life as a mom that present opportunity to put this particular Yoga Sutra to practice?
I look forward to your input.
May this inquiry bless your life, and your families well being.
Sincereley,
Summer
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bree Ashley on -
Isn't it that women were originally prohibited from practicing yoga because our role is a direct conflict with these particular sutras (ahimsa)? Isn't our plight to run ourselves into the ground?
Whoa that sounded weighty. I am actually in a thankful mood.
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Permalink Reply by Summer Greenlees on
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Hi Love!
What I think of when I wonder about this is what Donna Farhi's interperetation of the Yamas and Niyams means to me, that each wise characteristic (yama)is declaration of our true nature, an interperatation which resonates with me much more clearly than a "restraint" or "code of ethics".
That Yoga was traditionally for men sais to me - this is my hypothesis- I wonder if men were seeking a way to have a spiritual structure like women have naturally through pregnancy, childbirth, and the practice of motherhood. In my experience, Pregnancy, birth, and Motherhood bring about self reflection, cleansing, transformation, and integration mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Alot of the wisdoms that I learn about in Budhism, Yoga, and even Native American spirituality seem to reflect the fruits of the journey through motherhood.
It seems to me that going on a vision quest, becoming a monk, secluding oneself as a yogi apart from family life bring about at least some of the same inquiries, self reflection and alignment with divinity and lifes purpose that a mother experiences as she becomes a mother, and grows as a mother.
Maybey Spiritual practices that Men have made only for men have just been a reflection of the sacred, natural spiritual experiences that women have had only for women since the beginning of humanity...?
Maybey we can take from this reflection of the natural wisdom that we are... not to run ourselves into the ground, but to recognise and befriend ourselves, and the aspect of humanity that excludes or prohibits the other.
I've been enjoying curiously exploring the masculine and feminine nature within myself and discovering whats there.
Always more to be curious about.
Love you and nice to chat with you- thanks for responding! I am always interested in your thoughts.
I hope to see you soon!
Summer
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Permalink Reply by Bree Ashley on
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You speak truth. You think you have life figured out, then you become a mother and you must relearn everything. BTW Manu Chao will be playing in austin friday after next. http://www.aclfestival.com/artistdiscovery/default.asp?id=117
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let's plan on going together!
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